For those of you who aren't in my head hearing and seeing the daily battles I have with myself this is for you! In a past post I had mentioned how I sometimes feel like I want to get the surgery for weightless but I grapple with that because #1 I KNOW there are people out there that when you tell them you got the surgery they are like "OH, took the easy way out eh?!" and they think you're a big piece of crap etc. even though they have no idea that it is a lot of work too... from what I hear anyway, #1B I want to lose the weight on my own so when people ask I can say yep, did it myself, weight watchers, exercise and good habits finally paid off... or whatever word formation I will spout out at the time (even though now that I'm thinking about it if I ever DID get the surgery I could just say I eat right and exercise because I'd still have to eat right and exercise... hummm...) and feel good about doing it on my own. #2, risks! there are a lot of risks that come with major surgeries that I'm not sure if I want to chance. Lastly, #3, Insurance won't pay for the initial surgery so I can't imagine ponying up the amount for the surgery. One thing is for sure the day I get near my ultimate goal (150-160) I will have a LOT of loose skin that I will want removed. I hear it's a painful surgery but totally worth it. Right now I have so much flab in my arms it battles for first place in being the body part I'm most self conscious of and hate the most so I can only imagine as I go further along in my journey other body parts will become a flabby mess too! SO if I ever got the weight loss surgery I'd have to pay for both procedures out of pocket so I always told myself I'd rather lose the weight on my own and opt for the skin removal at the end of the journey.
Now, I read an eCard the other day that said "Welcome to middle class. Where you have enough money to pay your bills and taxes and not anything else" or something along those lines and I couldn't agree more! I make a lot (I think?) for the area I live in and at the end of the money we're still pulling money out of savings! I know my clothes shopping was insane lately and there are always major items that seem to creep up but I'll have to take out a small loan to get this surgery because Lord knows insurance won't pay so I keep thinking I need to save up for that, then what do I go and do? Schedule a tattoo for next week! I can't help myself! :( It's going to be a beautiful portrait of my grandma that I'm so stoked about. So there is the problem. Spend the hundreds on a tattoo that is going to be beautiful and a constant reminder of the love I had for my grandma and pull the money out of savings or not get it and in reality not save the money I would of spent on the tatty but years down the line wish I had a special savings account for?! ACK! I hate being poor and we're not technically poor! Ridiculous. I have money issues. Maybe I should start allocating some small amount into a fund each week or month for the skin removal surgery so WHEN the time comes it won't be such a blow? Should I not get the tattoo because I know there are other things the family/household needs instead? I feel terrible spending money on myself and only do it rarely (with the exception of my clothes spree lately, if you see my closet and all the ill fitting clothes I have you'd send me money too haha) and when I DO make a big purchase I fight about that in my head on weather or not I should of done and if I should take it back, I'd say 50% of the time I take it back. ANYWAY, thoughts? Opinions?